fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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