We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
