what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
