Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
