Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You have to summon your inner elephant
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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