she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
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She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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