Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
