bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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