You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
