Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
