thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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