Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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