I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
