How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
