Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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