I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
