I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
