is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
