My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
