Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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