So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
