Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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