Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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