I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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