i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
