Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
