I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
