this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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