never play flip cup with pint glasses
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
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He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
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i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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