Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
