I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
