so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
