I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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