Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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