We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
