WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
