well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
