Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
