you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I love you.
Bad choice
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
