Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
