i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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