So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
