need another drink. this is the easiest way
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
