It's Friday. Sex?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
did i just pee glitter
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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