What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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