i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
