and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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