I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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