belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
