it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
