My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
