Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
