She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
