The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
