he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
