we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
