I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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