scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is Oprah even human
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
