my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
