Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
