i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
