Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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