So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
