goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
