suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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