Jerry, you need to find god
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
