u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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