I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize