Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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