I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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