Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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