ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
