She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
