i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
