I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
