I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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