got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
