I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
why didn't you poke me back
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
