my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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