Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
