I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
