Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
