My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I want her autograph on my taint
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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