Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
