There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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