I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I didn't notice because vodka
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
