dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
