Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
