Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
