she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
