you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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