Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
