She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
this boner is exhausting
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
