need another drink. this is the easiest way
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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