Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
