If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
